The Daily Prophet

Underage gambling has taken Hogsmeade by storm as the Triwizard Tournament kicks into full speed. While those ‘champions’ chosen struggle in their tasks, intent upon glory for themselves and their schools, student spectators are reportedly splurging their savings upon guesswork of who the victor shall be.

Ludovic Bagman is the accused personality - the target of these rumours. Bagman makes no secret that he acts as a bookie for the tournament, but denies taking money from children.

“But if I did,” says he, “If I did, you could hardly blame me. How are you meant to tell these days? Some of them are walkin’ around with full grown beards - even the girls!”

The ups and downs of Ludovic Bagman

Ludovic ‘Ludo’ Bagman has a spotted history. Back when yours truly was an extremely young girl, he was put on trial for acting as an informant to deatheaters. Despite (or because) of any discretions, he rose swiftly to act as Head of the Department of Magical Games and Sports - a fitting occupation for one who is obsessed not so much with the sports themselves, but with those who win and lose.

This is not the first time he has been accused of betting with youngsters. At the 1994 Quidditch World Cup, which he was assisting to organise, he was known to make many illegal bets. Having lost all proceeds after the match (famous for the reason that the winning team did not possess the winning seeker), Bagman was forgiven his indiscretions.

But it seems he does not learn.

“I’ve been at Hogwarts before,” he says. “I officiated back then. Good times. Great kids. Wouldn’t gamble with them - no, not knowingly.”

There is a charm about Bagman. Is he gambling with the students? If so, there’s no denying that he is scum that should be thrown to the the depths of the lake to lurk with the giant squid.

If not …

He winks at me. “How about a date?”

Where is the smart money?

Ludo says that cunning gamblers should place their money on Durmstrang. “Four strapping young lads - all in their prime, and good sturdy wands. They’re sure to go far.”

If chosen, you stand alone.

Those were the immortal words of Albus Dumbledore – whom we all now know as ‘that dead chap what used to run Hogwarts’, but was once both hailed and vilified as one of the greatest wizards to ever walk the earth.

Whatever your theories on the poor old deady, one thing is for sure. He is eminently quotable, and a tremendous source of wisdom for me.

So I say again – if chosen, you stand alone.

No surprise what the words are in regards to. With so much emphasis on unison and teamwork at the school, it feels somehow wrong that the Triwizard Tournament is all about solitary heroics rather than companionship and cooperation.

Certainly, it purports to be about friendship. After all, we drag our ruddy-faced northern friends and the twinkle-toed gallics to our bosom, don’t we? But think about it – what the tournament is actually about is the right to say one thing. “HAH! We’re better than you!” One school manages to humiliate the others – and not only is it one school that glorifies itself, but it is glorifying itself on the basis of one student, and one student alone.

I’m sure it’s true that one student really can be representative of the entire student body.

After all, we’re all just like Tom Riddle, aren’t we?

In any case, if you’re chosen – yes, you stand alone. You stand alone, you work your guts out. And if you lose? Woe betide you. We’ll have nowt to do with you. But if you win? By damn, let’s share some of your glory!

What more can I say?

Goooooo HOGWARTS!

By Lian Cleery
 

Ten years indeed! And as a Hogwarts Alumna, this news is truly heartwarming to hear! Pardon me, for I cannot contain my excitement at the news that the Ministry and the three most prestigious schools of Europe are once again constructing the Triwizard Tournament.

I remember the last time, all those years ago, when our foreign companions not only provided the school with their presence, but forged many lasting friendships with me and others.

In my experience, watching the tournament and seeing students from other schools did more than just teach me and my peers that there was more to life than just Hogwarts. It also gave us insight into fellow European cultures. They aren’t much different from us, but their views on certain subjects do vary. Bringing the tournament back only shows that we fellow wizards would love nothing more than to expand our current knowledge with influences other than our own.

To this, I tip my hat in the hopes that the best school wins.

June 15  By Cordelia Wenzel

The Ministry of Magic has reported a drastic increase in the number of pirated owls flying through the skies in the past month. Owl pirating is an age-old trick where the ‘pirate’ captures an owl, replacing its post with their own and then bewitches it to deliver the new message. Usually the pirated owl returns to its original owner, since the spell only lasts a day or two at most, but undelivered mail remains a cause for concern.

In a recent case, renowned author Regina Salicki had sent her completed manuscript for the next book in her popular goblin romance series, but became suspicious when it never arrived at Harrington Publishers. Salicki was quite distraught. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t have a backup copy of it – wrote it all out by hand, I did. My readers will be dreadfully disappointed!”

“This is a classic case of owl piracy,” says Ministry employee Magnolia Coppers. “What we are investigating is whether the victims are being targeted individually or whether the owls are being randomly enlisted to carry messages as the pirate sees fit.”

If you suspect that your owl is being pirated, report it to the nearest public Owlery. Officials will place a tracking spell on your owl, in order to be led to the pirates.

Experts advise against casting the tracking spell yourself, as tracking spells for owls operate very differently from those used upon persons, dogs or objects. Walter Willby learned this the hard way. “I thought I’d catch my neighbour Drusilla in the act, as she’s had it in for me for ages! When I put the tracking spell on my little Meriadoc, a pretty little barn owl, she was so weighed down by it that she couldn’t even take off! I had to call my niece, who runs a clinic for magical beasts, to come set Merri right!”

Left without reliable means of communication, will the wizarding world crumble? Magnolia Coppers thinks not. “Cut the dramatics, we’re not biscuits. It’s inconvenient, but when these wizards or witches are caught, they’ll all be paying hefty fines as retribution.”

The fine for a single incident of owl-piracy is 100 galleons but can be more, depending on the severity of the case and the number of incidents. If one thing is for certain, it’s that these pirates will be broke, even if they’re not sorry.

May 29, 2017  By Rita Skeeter

“I know how to use a wand,” the boy opposite me says grimly, placing his fist on the table.

I’m sitting opposite James Sirius Potter, listening to him tell me his involvement in the terrifying and tragic events that transpired in Diagon Alley shortly before Christmas.

James is, of course, the eldest son of the ‘man-who-was-the-boy-who-lived’, but as that’s quite a mouthful, let’s just take James on his own terms. He is, unsurprisingly quite eager for this. “To those who know me … I’ve made it perfectly clear that I’ll make my own limelight. I don’t need my father’s name to be a talented wizard.”

It is then no surprise that when deatheaters descended upon the alley, snatching his younger brother, Albus Potter, James quickly swung into action, despite reckoning that “dad was getting to it”.

“There were fireworks in his pants, you see … no-heat wet starters.” James first noticed the fireworks when the family was leaving their house. “I saw he was walking funny. Asked if he has a stick up his —” I did ask at this point whether James usually thinks Albus has a stick up his —. He gave a cheeky, roguish grin. “I don’t know,” is all he says.

Regardless, James obviously cares about his baby brother a great deal. Taking a huge risk, he shot a perfectly aimed shower charm at Albus, setting off the fireworks and causing a massive uproar that bought the Ministry time to gather reinforcements and spring into action against the deatheaters, despite outrageous vigilante interference.

Unfortunately, the boys’ mother, vivacious Virginia Potter, was “quite furious”, despite her youngest son being saved from certain death. James admits freely that he was “pretty reckless”, but points out indignantly, “It was my brother … what choice did I have?”

Sadly for James, Mrs Potter was not the only woman in his life to get upset about these heroic activities. James had been dating soft-spoken brunette beauty Anna, who left off her quiet bookish ways to get “a bit crazy” on James after the events. “I can take care of myself,” James sighs. “I don’t need her to worry.”

Older readers, remembering my own interview with Harry Potter, so many years ago, will draw effective comparisons between James’ tumultuous relationship with Anna, and Harry’s own with Hermione Granger – his long-time girlfriend who eventually fell out with him over his constant endangerment, switching her affections instead to Harry’s safer friend Ronald Weasley, who in turn traded his younger sister, the now famous Virginia Potter, to Harry.

It may be this loss of his first love that leads Harry Potter to spend so much time away from his family. “Sometimes I wish he didn’t work so much,” James face softens, showing his young age for the first time in our interview. “I miss heading out to Grandma and Grandpa’s to play quidditch with him out back. But he’s busy.”

When I suggest this may be because of Harry Potter’s leadership of the auror division at the Ministry, James believes his Dad works “completely more than necessary … if he wasn’t so bent on solving everyone’s problems himself, he’d have more time at home.”

This insight may explain James’ conviction that he could handle being an auror. “It’s in my blood”. He is however, determined not to work so many hours as his father. “Not anywhere near”. It’s certain that James will make sure to leave plenty of time for Quidditch – which he plays obsessively with his Gryffindor team. Despite dabbling in seeking like his father, he is looking forward to switching to a chasing position. “It’s less stressful. And I tend to get bludgers swatted at me less.”

Quidditch has a side benefit of potentially drawing his ex-girlfriend back to him. Anna is “crazy about quidditch. Really loyal Puddlemere fan. Knows probably just as much about quidditch as anyone.”

Despite Anna’s dedication to James and the game, it seems possible that the Potter boy may already have wandering eyes, shifting, to be exact, onto a fellow Gryffindor named Megan. “Look, Megan knows I love her, okay?” The boy spreads his hands in a ‘what-can-I-do-about-it’ gesture. “I think about her day in and day out.”

After seeking doe-eyed Anna Lizzerd for some time, I ask her about James, only to see her face well up. “I don’t even KNOW the twit,” she sobs, before running off. Later, I find Megan Maguire, whose gorgeous vibrancy throws Anna’s mild sweetness deep into the shadows. “How do you feel about James and Anna breaking up recently?” I ask her, my eyes already narrowing upon this hussy. “Who the HELL is Anna!” She huffs, spinning and walking off angrily.

With this vixen on the warpath, it seems doubtful James will remain faithful to Anna for long.

Your stars with the Daily Prophet’s Delores Pudderswyth

ARIES
Steady! Your impetuous nature may have led you one step too far this time. Or twenty! Did you really have to go so far, just to succeed? It’s time to make amends, Aries.

TAURUS
Ahhh, isn’t the sunshine beautiful? The birds are singing, the grass is green, the squid is swimming merrily in the lake. Just don’t forget that sometimes there’s more to life than mere external appearances.

GEMINI
The moon is in alignment this month. You know what that means, right? It means you’re a genius! Go for it. It’s a perfect idea!

CANCER
I have some peachy keen news for you. You’re about to come into absolutely masses of cash! And if you don’t? You’re obviously not trying hard enough.

LEO
You know what they say about paranoia. Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you. Watch your back.

VIRGO
Throw away the rulebook Virgo. It’s time for LOVE!

LIBRA
Diplomacy is one of your very best traits. Unfortunately, it won’t help you with what’s coming at you this month. Might I suggest a very firm hex instead?

SCORPIO
Methinks it’s time to go investigating. You never know what you might find.

SAGITTARIUS
Have you ever dreamed of being a rebel? All the signs point to this being the time for you to rise up. Just remember - nobody ever got anywhere by being afraid.

CAPRICORN
Unfortunately, a friend has just betrayed you. It doesn’t matter whether you find out or not - it happened. I think you should just go mope somewhere.

AQUARIUS
Do you know any Sagittarians? If not, find one. Quickly. The two of you need each other.

PISCES
Things aren’t looking very good for any intellectual pursuits this month. No matter how hard you try, it seems you’re just going to get things wrong. It might be time to try a different approach.

May 17, 2017 By Rita Skeeter

Flying broom fanatics went into mourning last night as the tragic death of Filberius Flyte was announced. One half of the famous inventing duo ‘Flyte and Barker’, Filberius was in the process of flight-testing his yet-to-be-released ‘Twigger Vista’ when an object, later identified to be a cauldron, fell upon his head from the air.

“It’s those bloody blackmarketeers,” says his wife, spunky Delores Flyte (herself a ‘dabbler’ in broom invention and creator of the new ‘Try-Trigger’, a training broom for toddlers which can be attached to their parent’s broom. “They’re always flying overhead – on carpets no less! They think they can bring their shoddy cauldrons in here – and the Ministry just lets them get away with it!”

Regardless of where the deadly cauldron came from, it is clear that Flyte’s partner, Geoffrey Barker, will have to continue work on the Vista by himself. Despite the trauma of his friend’s death, he vows that fans of the costly brooms will have reason to rejoice soon enough.

“As you know, we have eight brooms under the company’s belt already – ranging from the world-renowned Twigger 90, all the way to the Twigger XP. We’re confident that our customers will enjoy the luxury and ease of all Twiggers before – along with one or two brand new features, and a fabulous kitchy design!”

As a long time fan of the Twigger myself, I just hope they don’t leave off the self-straightening brush!

The Ministry of Magic could not be reached for a comment on the wayward cauldron.

Many of us have been scarred over the horrible incident that occurred in Diagon Alley shortly before Christmas. The Alley has lost profit and families have been said to be keeping their young ones inside, for fear of a repeat performance. With five deaths hovering over the Ministry’s head and, more importantly, a kidnapping, our readers, along with myself, are left to wonder: what exactly is the Ministry doing to protect us?

Many of our readers remember a time much like that day in Diagon Alley, where fear was what controlled our world. Now that it’s repeating itself, we’re looking to the Ministry for help; for guidance during this trying time. However, if they cannot save just one person, how are we supposed to stay positive that they can protect each of us? Of course, I’m talking about Flora Trimble, Head Mediwitch at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, who was kidnapped by alleged Death Eaters. I say “alleged” because the Ministry has yet to cement this fact or not. With the disappearance of Madam Trimble, we are shown very clearly of two things: how will the Hospital Wing manage without Trimble and, what is being done to get her back within our ranks?

The very one person whom everyone expected to see race off to rescue Flora Trimble was, in fact, her husband, one of the former Defence Against the Dark Arts professors at Hogwarts, Derek Trimble. The startling truth of this complete opposite has shocked many. Why isn’t Derek Trimble doing anything? More importantly, why isn’t anyone doing anything? It has come to the Prophet’s knowledge just recently, from an inside leak at the Ministry, that Derek Trimble is being kept at St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. Is this against his will? No Auror or St. Mungo’s staff were available for comment, which goes to show just where our Galleons are going, folks.

Among our already hectic problems, we now have to worry about the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts. This reporter has made several visits there and it’s in quite a disarray. The brand new hire of Madam Rebecca Knight has brought up many questions with our readers. Is our Hospital Wing understaffed? It seems so, as there have just been three new Wing assistants hired, right out of the students attending; Kaoru Li, Sierra Leonki and Zoeigh Mcallister. Zoeigh McAllister, an overly-kind blonde girl, told me in a hurried fashion that, “It isn’t actually so bad, but don’t quote me on that. But I wish that Madam Trimble were here.” A loud crash in the back had the young Hufflepuff rushing away, a panicked look in her eyes.

It is my observation that even with the new three student hires, the Hospital Wing is clearly needing of some assistance. Shane Banagher, a first year Hufflepuff, answered my question of how they had treated him when he asked for help with this quote: “Which time? I have been in there a lot this semester.” Does this mean that he couldn’t get the help he needed when he first inquired within or is this boy just clumsy?

What’s even more shocking is the Ministry’s ability to keep the knowledge of Derek Trimble’s stay at St. Mungo’s a secret. Maria Johannson, a sixth year Gryffindor prefect, was quoted on his whereabouts this way: “Well, I’m only a student here, but I assume he’s out there looking for his beloved, right?” When the news of his staying at St. Mungo’s was revealed to her, she was quoted as saying, in a rather distraught tone, “Are you serious? Do you think he’s okay? Oh, I hope he’s okay.”

With the way the Ministry has been keeping secrets from us, there’s no telling. I think Lydon Ward, a sixth year Ravenclaw put it perfectly when asked of his opinion on what is going on. “I think it’s bloody stupid. Unless he is unable to move and going mental because of it, let him go and let him help find his wife. No one wants to feel helpless and I’m quite sure he’s feeling that to the extremes.”

January 5, 2017 By Rita Skeeter

The New Year brings many things - not the least of which is resolutions. Some of us might make a vow to eat less chocolate frogs - deny the sweet burning which is firewhiskey. We might swear an oath to fly our broom more, instead of taking the easy route of floo powder. This year, the Ministry of Magic have been asked to make the bravest, hardest, most serious New Year’s resolution yet.

It was merely two days ago that greatly-respected Narcissa Malfoy, socialite and philanthropist, stood before various members of the Ministry, campaigning for our world to be a safer place through the removal of vigilantes and ‘want-to-be’ heroes from our streets.

She is referring, in specific, to the incident in Diagon Alley shortly before Christmas, where not only did buildings crumble away, leaving ruin and wreckage in their wake, but five civilians were brutally murdered, and dozens more left injured, both physically and mentally. The incident, beginning as a spat between aurors and a few deatheaters, quickly escalated to extreme chaos and uncontrolled violence when a gang of rogue vigilantes waded into the fray, drawing the quarrel into levels of violence unseen in the streets since the time of “You-know-who”.

I was there to see her speech. Watching Narcissa Malfoy plead with the Ministry, passion in her trembling voice, it was impossible not to be moved by her words and her desire for the Ministry to take action for the greater good.

“The children’s ward of St. Mungo’s holds a child of just three years of age,” she said. “Little Gideon is too young to understand what happened that day, and why - but he is not too young to understand that after those horrific flashes of light, his parents will not be there anymore to tuck him in at night.”

I did my own research after the speech, interviewing those few spectators who are able to speak about the tragic events. Most are hazy about what actually happened, but the consensus seems to agree with Madam Malfoy - things got “much much worse” after the ‘heroes’ appeared.

Laura Gelley, whose fiancee Reginald perished in the crossfire, agrees tearfully to an interview. “I was inside Gladrags when it started. When I came out to see what was happening, all I could see was screaming people - running everywhere, and the lights…” She bursts into tears at this point, and I give her my handkerchief, waiting for her to bravely gather her strength to continue. “It wasn’t until much later - long after the screaming stopped - that I knew Reggie was killed.” She stops crying and I see her knuckles turning white where she clutches at the handkerchief, her eyes shining through the tears. “All I know,” she says. “All I know is that none of them died.”

Of course Laura is not suggesting that the tragedy was actually the fault of these ‘heroes’. Neither are Madam Malfoy, or indeed, us here at the Prophet. Nobody would be so silly. It is however, blatantly obvious, that events would not have escalated to such terrifying heights if they had not simply plunged in without thinking.

“People need to step aside and let Harry Potter and his team of aurors get on with their work without interference,” Malfoy continued in her speech to the Ministry. “Being the boy who lived is not much good when everybody around you is dying. Surely Potter has enough to deal with without these imbeciles wading into the middle of things and throwing everything out of control. Innocent people die when they get involved.”

And this, as Madam Malfoy told the Ministry, is truly the crux of the matter. Were these ‘heroes’ simply endangering themselves, that would be okay. If they want to throw their lives away, that’s their business. But if they insist on putting themselves where they are not wanted - if they keep putting innocent civilians in the crossfire - they must be stopped.

Such reckless activity cannot be supported.

The Daily Prophet joins with Narcissa Malfoy in crying out for justice. These vigilantes must be stopped. A private member’s bill has been lodged with the Ministry requesting the illegality of crime-fighting by those without auror’s licences. When it is passed - and we have every faith that it will be - these vigilantes will be found and imprisoned for crimes against the Wizarding World.

Have faith friends and loyal readers - the world will be safe once more.

December 18, 2017 By Archibald Kincade

For years, now, Minister Abelard Clagge has been raking in reform after reform in hopes of bringing in a new age for the Wizard World as a whole, to commendable success. However, it seems that despite his great vision for improvement, there is one area of the Ministry he has been forced to leave unchanged.

The Auror Department, led by the (for all intents and purposes) politically immune Harry Potter, is in a state of disarray. Indeed, Potter has been riding on the coattails of his past successes and fame to the dismay of the wizarding community for years. This begs the question: when is enough enough? To answer that question, let’s take a look at the retrospect.
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